i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
