I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
