i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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