I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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