i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
