you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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