I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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