He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
two words...techno handjob
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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