like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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