Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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