he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
