guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
