How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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