You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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