Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I cut my penus on the lid.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
