please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
