We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
