If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
as a side note pls kill me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
