My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
