i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
