hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the night ended with taco bell and tears
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
