Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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