A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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