Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
