youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
