I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
