remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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