So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think I am morally bankrupt
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
