I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
