I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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