Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
