You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
