Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
