I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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