Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
