fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
