so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
