They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
