"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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