hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
