You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
