A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
