She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
