I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
