i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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