If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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