so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
