I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
