I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
