I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
