LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
