I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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