Ambien. No doubt about it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
