worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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