The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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