I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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